Sugar Rush

Everyone knows that great 'Rush' feeling. As kids, we would bounce off the walls on a sugar rush. As adults, we sometimes get our rushes in other ways, caffeine, alcohol, adrenaline. The problem with each of these is the crash.

Yesterday was a sugar rush. It made my heart soar to see the couples, hear the speeches and feel the love. To make a public statement that I WANT the man in my life to be my legally wedded husband made my heart swell further. I am not ashamed of our relationship and I proudly walked into the courthouse hand in hand with him.

But today I'm living on the crash side. I dug out the stories and our 'rejection letter' from last year. I don't know why that brought me down, but it did.  Same exact letter. Nothing has changed. The prosecuting attorney didn't even bother to write a new letter. He brought up a file from his documents folder, changed the date and sent it on to the clerks. They did use a different high lighter this year. I guess thats progress.

Yesterday was a rush. Today I'm tired. Tired of this state and its people make us live in such a way. Tired by the fact that they brush off my relationship, my LOVE, with a few short paragraphs on cheap letterhead. Tired from the hurt it brings to receive and read these letters and then that moment that it sinks in that the letters really say, "You are not equal." Tired from the thoughts of 'how much longer, how many more letters?'

How long until the piece of paper we are handed changes and instead of the day after crash, I can go on an extended rush as we begin to plan our wedding, right here in the place we call home.

I'm tired but I'm not giving up. I'm down but I'm not out. I've crashed, but I'll heal. There are positive days ahead.

-Justin